Seattle Schools are closing its “Highly Capable Cohort” (Gifted & Talented) program because the claim is that too many of the participants are white or Asian…. “in an effort to make the program more equitable and to better serve all students, the district is phasing out highly capable cohort schools. In their place, SPS is offering a whole-classroom model where all students are in the same classroom and the teacher individualizes learning plans for each student.” Think about what that means for each classroom teacher.
Our local schools had a GT program called “Project Challenge”, involving our sons …. until the system abruptly ended the program, leaving stranded students who were taking classes 2+yrs ahead of grade level. We fought the repercussions until we found an advocate who enabled one son to commute daily from middle to high school for math, to skip multiple years of Spanish and to take advanced classes at the university. Those programs are more common now, but they were not at the time we were involved. I wrote about it here: https://www.virtualmusicoffice.com/the-system-worked-for…/
We wrestled with teachers who wanted to use our sons as tutors (noble and helpful, but does not address their “special needs”) or to do individual study in the back of the classroom (like what could happen in a discipline situation).
We are seeing some of the results of closing most mental institutions and “mainstreaming”. How many tragedies are blamed on “mental health” issues? If people need help, let’s help.
And here’s another problem I have with the “too many whites and Asians” racist argument….. Which pro sports teams, such as NFL, NBA, MLB “mainstream” players to ensure they have a balance of ethnicities and abilities? No! We want to win, right? Olympic teams are not balanced per quotas. We want to win, right?
I won’t argue that DEI (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion), which sounds wonderful is the new AA (Affirmative Action), but it all seems so similar, aka fad trend of the era.
Yes, let’s work to benefit those with “special needs”, but special needs at both ends. Let’s NOT label people ‘insane’, but also, let’s not ignore them. We NEED GT graduates coming into our society, even if they are white or Asian.
I was a music teacher in the system from 2005-2020 (retired). This happened during that time.
The hs building has over 40 outside doors. Custodians check those doors every evening because there have been cases of someone leaving a stone in a door to keep it from locking, sometimes for innocent reasons, others not so.
There is one particular door used primarily by the instrumental, choral, theater, and special ed departments. Special Ed is rarely there after school hours, but there is almost always something going on with at least one of the other departments for after school and/or evening rehearsals.
A security check revealed that our area door remained “pinned” (unlocked) one evening after everyone left. That is definitely a mistake.
Instead of talking to, reprimanding, or even disciplining the staff mostly responsible for that door, an edict went out to over a hundred faculty and staff members (“all call” style) announcing,
“Effective immediately, pinning a door unlocked requires administrator approval.”
After trying to think of a way the music department could work with that, the decision was that I would be the one to request clarification.
I sent an email so the admin could think it through vs an immediate response. It went something like this:
“As we discuss compliance with your directive about pinning a door, we have two general scenario possibilities for which we would appreciate further advice or clarification, please. Would you prefer that each of our departments provide you with an exhaustive list of days and times we request approval for enabling entry (music store dealer, parents/staff coming to assist with props, meetings, rehearsals….., students for after school lessons or evening rehearsals, etc., – or that we contact you for each such incident as it comes up?”
What do you think the response/reaction might have been? Hint: I wasn’t fired.
According to the 4-digit serial number, my Selmer/Paris Series 10 clarinet was manufactured in 1967. In 1968, my hs band director told my mother I had to get one. Not optional. He might as well have told her I needed a Mercedes for my first car. Dad made me a 50/50 deal, and after selling lemonade to golfers and hanging ad papers on doors … I got it.
I used it all through hs. It got me Solo/Ensemble medals, traveled with me and Holmes Band to KMEA and MENC, to Murfreesboro, TN and Virginia Beach, VA…. to All-State Orchestra, to band clinic and select bands, to summer music camps at Eastern Kentucky and Morehead State Universities, and followed me to Europe/U.S.S.R. with the United States Collegiate Wind Band in the summer between hs and college. I had to replace it at UK bc the clarinet prof kept saying things like,
“That was awful. I can’t tell if it was you or that crappy clarinet.”
Anyway, I just opened packages of cleaning supplies, including swabs, key and bore oil, silver polish, swabs, disinfectant and more….. I want to see if it still has all the notes and speed it once did. Students have heard me talk about instruments with “speed buttons”.
Oh, working on my 1973-ish Buffet R-13 also. Both are considered “vintage” at this point.
Summer Band went along the schedule of Summer School; 8am-noon daily. There was a 15 minute break in the middle of the day that you could buy pop or snacks, or just rest up, or do something stupid and get in trouble.
The new Science Building (which also housed the gymnasium and the band room) had been opened only a couple years earlier. It had a new type of light switch throughout — that required a key, but would also work with a properly inserted fingernail file.
One one of those mid morning breaks, a small group of us were going through the building with a fingernail file. If the light was on, we turned it off. If off, we turned it on. Nothing damaging.
I even remember exactly where the light switch was that I was operating the file. It had become stuck and I was trying to get it out. Someone behind me said, “Copenhaver’s coming”. Yeah, sure, right?
I finally got it out and, as I turned around, standing completely inside my comfort zone, was Mr. Copenhaver. No one else in sight.
“Go wait for me in my office”, he said calmly.
I hadn’t spent much time in his office. I could see his large Phi Mu Alpha paddle hanging next to his desk. He did use that. Sometimes in inspection practice (inspection was part of some competitions), he would carry that paddle as he walked in front of the line. If your instrument didn’t pass the white glove test or if you moved, he would say, “That’s one.” That meant that an eternity later when he was on the next line behind, he would whack you with that left-handed paddle. And if the paddle made you move — he’d do it again. For the record, I never got the paddle in inspection.
Sitting in his office, I fully expected at least one of those whacks.
He left me there for an uncomfortably long time — on purpose, I’m sure.
Eventually, he came into the office, closed the door, and sat in his desk chair facing me.
He looked at me and calmly said,
“I’m disappointed, John. That’s all. You can go.”
The paddle would have hurt me less than that.
I spent the rest of my high school career trying to make him proud. I think I did.
The starfish story (not my original) is about someone trying to make a difference and I think of it periodically when I find myself trying to balance that healthy, professional detachment from the lives of individual students with the reality and significance of those lives and my desire to make a difference by being more than “just” a classroom teacher.
Working with students is not a life or death proposition, of course, but some seem to get washed up on the beach. Here’s the story and 10 ways to make a difference. Those 10 ways represent my core beliefs in teaching and working with teens.
The man was out for a walk on the beach when he noticed a boy frantically picking things up and throwing them into the ocean. Curious, he approached the boy to discover that he was picking up starfish that had washed up on to the beach — and was throwing them back into the water.
“Son, what are you doing?” the man asked.
“The tide is going out and these starfish got left behind. I’m throwing them back into the water to save them.”
“But son, there are hundreds of miles of beach. You can’t possibly make a difference.”
As the boy picked up another starfish, he threw it into the water and then turned and said to the man,
“I made a difference to THAT one.”
———————————
Teen years can be trying times. Parents may be fighting, separating, dating and remarrying, which means the teen now has to not only deal with a break up of a foundation in his/her life, but often now has to live in multiple households. Some have to adjust to step-siblings, job losses, financial struggles and more. Then, there are the complexities of school with seemingly unending pressures to perform, trying to get through the dating games, often without an anchor or example to follow. Influenced by increasingly negative social standards, or lack of standards….. teens can get caught in the rise and falling tides. Most learn how to negotiate life’s trying currents, but can turn the wrong way, make a miscalculation or poor decision — and find themselves high and dry on the beach…..and they need help. Not every student needs, wants or will accept a teacher’s help. Sometimes the teacher’s effort is both unappreciated and unsuccessful.
But try we must…because we CAN make a difference “to THAT one”.
Ten ways to make a difference:
Be real. You can’t fake it with teens, they will see right through you. If you can’t be real, you should not be there. Please leave education.
Be available. How easy is it for a teen to say to YOU, “Can I talk to you?”? What if it is not during class or immediately after school? In how many different ways are you available and do students know and understand that? Do they know if it is ok to email, call, text or instant message you? When a teen says they need to talk, somebody needs be available. Be that person. Consider your use of texting and social media.
Be there. Yes, you’re “on duty” at school. What about when a student is in the hospital, at the funeral home, pitching in the softball/baseball game, getting baptized, being awarded Eagle Scout status, or when their garage-type band is playing at the coffee shop? Take your spouse or your kids and just be where you can when you can. They will notice.
Trust them. If you want trust, you need to give some. I have a periodic discussion about trust, abusing it, losing it and the difficulty in earning it a second time. Read: “I WANT To Trust You“. Teens make mistakes and the trust area is one of those places where they can mess up. But help them learn. Take a reasonable chance. Yes, you’ll get burned some….but you will also empower leaders to rise up.
Respect them. There is a good chance they will recognize and return it.
Advocate for them. Of course you have students who are financially challenged and could benefit from music lessons, a better instrument, participation in a select ensemble or some other training. You won’t always succeed, but try to find funding to help. Call the employer to help him get that job. Write a letter to help her get that scholarship. Help them with college applications their parents can’t (or won’t).
Listen, really listen. Teens typically think that people don’t listen. They think adults are quick to lecture, criticize and correct, but are slow to listen. You don’t always have to have the answer. Sometimes there isn’t an obvious answer. Sometimes listening is the answer, because in allowing them to share, you enable them to find their own answer. Unless they are sharing something illegal, dangerous, hear them out. Don’t argue. Don’t interrupt. Don’t pre-judge. And when you can, share your wisdom, experience, expertise and advice.
Expect and Encourage Excellence. Students will complain when the load is heavy and the challenge is significant, but they know, even when they won’t admit, that achieving excellence requires work. They want to achieve and succeed. Being there for them doesn’t mean lowering your standards. Make them stretch. They’ll appreciate you eventually, even if not today.
Don’t assume. A question I ask often is, “You okay?” Simple question….and sometimes they shrug it off, but there have been many times for me that this gives them the opening to ask for help.
Don’t give up. It can be difficult, disappointing and even deflating when teens mess up. Don’t give up on them. That’s what the rest of society wants to do sometimes…. They will be disappointed that they disappointed you, but your unconditional support (not approving what they do) is vitally important to them.
Perfect pitch means you can hear a tone or multiple tones and identify them. There was a girl in undergrad music theory class at UK who had perfect pitch. She described it as painful if a vocal ensemble was to lose pitch, i.e. go flat/sharp.
Another person I worked with professionally was a local band director wife. We could use her as a tuner, because she not only knew the pitch, but whether you were ever so slightly off. We would bring her in periodically to critique and the students always enjoyed trying to “trip her up”. But perfect means perfect and they never could.
In one rehearsal, without a score in front of her, she made a comment like, “The Bb7 chord at letter E is both wrong and out of tune. The altos have the ‘D’ (your ‘B’) and one of you is playing a Bb and another of you is playing the right note, but quite sharply.” We checked. She was perfect.
I do not have perfect pitch, but good “relative” pitch. It serves me well in two general ways. First, as a clarinetist, I can usually “hear” the pitch before I play it and so can come in on the right note/partial and on pitch. Especially when listening to a clarinet, I can usually tell you the note, but more because I know the different timbres of notes. An open ‘G’ sounds different than a ‘Bb’, for example.
It also serves me well in rehearsals as I have keen “hearing eyes”. I can tell if what I’m hearing is what I’m looking at in the music score. I established that when I would say, “Someone is missing [specific note]. If you don’t fix it, I will find you”, they knew I could, so sometimes, when I stop the music, look down at the score (to figure out what I heard and where it might be coming from) and focus my attention toward a section of the group I might find someone with his/her hand already raised to confess, “It was me”.
During a grad class, I had to stay after class one day because I was doing something the professor said I shouldn’t have been able to do and he wanted to find out how I was “cheating”.
His researched position was that you could only retain and re-sound about 8-11 random tones. To make his point, he emphasized why phone numbers are broken down; 260-786-6554 vs 2607866554 or that credit card numbers are “batched” in 4’s because we can’t remember 16.
Then for practical proof, he started playing series of tones. We were to sing them back and drop out when we missed. Not unlike a spelling bee, by the time he got to 12-13 tones, there were only two of us left. The other person dropped out and the professor, in a frustrated tone, asked me how I was “cheating”.
Working 1-1 after class, he noticed (I didn’t even know I was doing it) I was fingering my pencil. His conclusion, and I had none better to offer, was that I was “hearing tones in clarinet” and then “playing them back”.
What I did was not unique. I know of others who have trained their ears to hear specific pitches, such as an ‘open G’ on trumpet or a vocal “do” on ‘c’.
The director had been out for a few days, so I ran the rehearsals….and organized this prank. I wish I had zeroed on facial expressions. NOTE: No harm was done. Students exited one door, walked around and came back in another. We lost about 2-3 minutes of rehearsal. I wonder what it looked like on the CCTV monitors in the admin offices.
A few years ago, I was tasked with putting together a list of responsibilities of the head director at my school. This is a generic approximation of the band director position in a moderately large high school.
(c) VirtualMusicOffice.com
Note: 150+ extra trips to the school for over 700 hours, equivalent to 18 – 40hr weeks.
Although there is some overlap, the above chart does NOT include the 180 school days of time/teaching.
Major decisions
Show Theme / Colors / Logo
Show Shirts; including color, design, vendor.
Basketball Shirts; including color, design, vendor.
Summer Parade Shirts; including color, engraving, design, vendor.
Color Guard Outfit(s), Flag design + performance props
Marching band uniforms; color, style, material, accessories, company, when + financing.
Competitions
How many
Which ones
What class / Contest Classifications, i.e. Scholastic, Festival, Open, BOA, MidStates
Hosting
Overseeing all contest logistics
Marching Band, Winter Guard, Indoor Percussion
Photographer for Band Pictures
Major Trip. 3 Hotel nights. Last trip cost @$83,000. Includes decisions about who could go/not go based on payment levels. Refunds? After trip collections? Also 22hr bus travel and night-time hotel supervision during stay.
Show Props. Organizing, overseeing design, construction, implementation.
Assembly of carts for front ensemble.
Music and design adjustments and rehearse and clean a Class A competitive marching show.
Recruiting, hiring, funding drill designer, music arranger, Color Guard choreographer, specialty coaches and field instructor.
Communicate/coordinate with the middle school directors.
Overseeing Instrument Purchase Plan and Repair Contract for the Corporation
Seating Charts / Part Assignments
Parade Block
Marching Band inside
Pre-Game Marching Assignments / Select Music / Write Drill
Marching Drill Assignments
Multiple Fall and Spring Concert Bands
Basketball Bands (2 bands x @6 games ea)
Music Selection
Multiple Fall and Spring Concert Bands
Fall Marching Band for Holiday Concert
Jazz Band for 4-6 performances
Spring Concert Band Tour
ADDITIONAL TASKS
Band office work
Retrieve/file music.
Take care of reeds, oils, sticks, and other supplies students purchase.
Make minor instrument repairs. Coordinate more significant repairs with the music store rep, including pickup, return — and keeping students/parents informed of status.
Reserve buses for all band trips; parades, contests (see above).
Complete Facility Use paperwork for each time during the year that you need the gym or auditorium for rehearsals and performances.
Collaborate instrumental purchase plan with other directors and the corporation’s financial person
Register and arrange payment for all competitions, plus acquire field trip approval and buses.
Maintain grade book.
Write weekly schedules / TWIBs. (This Week In Band), plus daily Band Camp or rehearsal schedule.
Write and publish band handbook.Register for all contests, parades and festivals.
Keep attendance records for school plus rehearsals, performances.
Make Accompaniment and practice mp3’s for individuals and for playing test practice
Write, transcribe, transpose music to fill in special parts for marching, concert, jazz music
Grant writing School Policies Compliance
Oversee school budget, complete paperwork for both deposits and withdrawals and pay vendors
Design and print programs for concerts and banquets.
Determine and create awards, plaques and other recognitions for end of year awards banquet.
Maintain “needs” list for when someone asks, for grant-writing, or when opportunities arise
Publicity: Newspapers, school announcements, website, email blasts, etc.
Maintain online calendar for rehearsals, performances
Scan, post all pep band music for download to student iPads
Maintain social media sites: web/blog, Facebook, twitter, YouTube, instagram, google+, etc.
Maintain band data base with home and cell phones and email addresses for multiple parent/guardian families plus students with separate contact info.
Design reports/seating charts (marching band, 5 concert bands, combined bands, graduation band) / parade block assignments/drill chart assignments/pre-game assignments/squads/basketball band assignments…or labels for music folders, shirts, mailings.
Organize a pre-solo/ensemble contest practice recital
Organize free piano accompanists for students unable to pay
Classroom Activities
Schedule, conduct and analyze playing tests or challenges. Assign seating for ensemble balance.
Update daily classroom announcements: Include standards, birthdays, calendar updates and enough jokes to keep students watching. Music accompaniment a plus.
Keep classroom presentable and clutter free for use by a variety of classes, ensembles and outside groups
Find ways to meet state and/or national standards without sacrificing the performance expectation overload
Create, distribute, collect health forms and ensure 100% compliance and that forms travel with the band.
Specialty Ensembles
Supervise some of the auxiliary ensembles; drumline, sideline ensemble, winter percussion, color guard, winter guard
Approve creative recommendations for specialty uniforms, flags, props, etc and oversee construction.
Collaboration with other Staff
Coordinate with choir director for rehearsals involving students in both groups
Sharing instrumentalists with show choir backup ensemble, school musicals
Share room and equipment (i.e. keyboards, megaphones, uniforms, instruments) with other teachers, classes and groups
Guidance Counselors for student scheduling and to encourage promotion of the band program
Attend meetings
School required faculty meetings, including mandatory training, department collaboration
IEP and other school meetings on behalf of individual students
Band Parent Organization, including Executive Board, Officers Only and General meetings.
Fundraising projects
“Director Reports”
Collaborating with individual fee collection
Dealing with personality clashes and chaperone issues
Overseeing special committees; i.e contest, uniform, major fundraising
Design teams (drill/choreographer, music, uniform/equipment design) for marching band, winter guard and indoor percussion shows
School mandated parent/teacher conferences
Meetings requested by students or parents
School Board meetings involving related budgets and programs
Make emergency judgment call decisions / calls when a student is injured or having medical issues in rehearsal or away at competitions.
Select Drum Major(s): Includes training, practicing, recruiting judges and providing selection criteria
Organize conducting, college prep or leadership classes/seminars
Attend Solo/Ensemble festivals at District or State.
Encourage and organize solo and ensemble participants, recruit pianists, ensure adequate practice and provide most participants free individual coaching sessions
Assist in individual (participation fees, pay-to-play, fair share) collections.
Write letters of recommendation for scholarships, college/job applications
Assist with auditions for area honor bands and specialty groups
I’m confident this list is NOT exhaustive, and would love to add to this list with other activities/responsibilities you experience or know about in your school.
Over the years, I would share stories with my students. They really enjoyed my police encounter stories. I’ve consolidated all of them (I think) here.
Three cops in front of Salem house during father-in-law July 4th visit.
It was my second 4th of July parade at Eastern HS in Pekin, IN. That parade is the longest, continuous July 4th parade in the country.
This time, I’m married. And Joan’s dad is coming to visit.
I drove to Pekin (11 miles from Salem) to open the building but realized I had forgotten my school keys. There was not enough time to drive back to Salem to get them, so I went to a janitor’s house in Pekin. The janitor wasn’t there, but his wife was. I asked if I could borrow the school keys. She was very nervous about lending them out, but made me promise to bring them back immediately after the parade. Of course.
But, I forgot. The parade ended, the band put their stuff back in the school, I locked up and headed to Salem for dinner with Joan and her dad. I was almost there when I realized I still had the keys.
I rushed back to Pekin, over speed — and upset with myself, profusely apologized for being late with the keys, and then raced back to Salem.
I passed a car on the railroad tracks on the way into town but didn’t think much about it. I went three quarters around the courthouse square and up the slight hill that would take me to my neighborhood. I saw the police car parked on the side of that road, knew I was speeding, and concluded I’d be pulled over. I waited for the lights, but didn’t see any, so kept going.
As I was preparing to turn into the driveway of my house, there were suddenly THREE police cars (two local and one state trooper) behind my car with lights flashing. Not only was I making a great impression for the neighbors, but the large picture window in our living room offered a great view for Joan and her dad. GULP!
Only the local cop directly behind me got out of his car and came up to my window.
“Sir, I noticed that you passed a car on the railroad tracks and I was going to pull you over to talk about that. But, when I got turned around, I couldn’t catch you. And, then, you passed another car very quickly. They couldn’t catch you and called for backup. Are you okay?”
Once I explained who I was, i.e. a band director involved in the Pekin parade and the issue with the keys, he didn’t forgive me…..but he didn’t ticket me either.
The police left and I got to go in and discuss my terrifying first impression on my father-in-law.
“Did you forget to pay for your gas?”
This event happened in Huntington….and, once again, Joan’s dad is visiting.
In the 80’s, we had a Ford Conversion Van that was great for traveling with two young sons. It was not good on gas but had two gas tanks with a switch inside to go from one to the other. It could take a while to fill the tanks, so if I was at a station that had two pumps close enough, I would put a nozzle in each tank.
This was prior to “pay-at-the-pump”, so I would normally finish up and go inside to pay. I would tell the cashier I had “pumps 1 & 2”, but most of the time they already knew that.
On one particular day at a station just a couple blocks from our Vine Street home in Huntington, I can not recall whether I failed to ask or notify about the two pumps. I should have known there was a problem with the amount, but my mind really wasn’t there, for some reason. One of those reasons could be that Joan’s father was visiting. (Note: that he was visiting during my Salem story.)
From the gas station, I went home and was in our living room with Joan and her dad when there was a knock at the door.
The local policeman simply asked if I had forgotten to pay for my gas. I explained to him that I had, but then together we figured out I had paid for one of the pumps, but not both. I assured him I would take care of it immediately. And I did.
Don’t Mess With Texas
I was pulled over three times in thirty minutes.
The Fund Raising Association to which my company (QDP Corporation) belonged had its annual meeting/convention was in Houston Texas. I drove my 1978 Ford Conversion van and transported 5-6 other people. It was a comfortable way to travel and cheaper than buying that many airline tickets.
The convention ended at the end of a day (@5pm) and after loading up, we departed for the drive home. With multiple drivers, the plan was to drive through the night.
It was late into the evening when I noticed a police car going the other way on the highway make a u-turn after it had passed me. I didn’t think I was speeding, but as he caught up with me and turned on his lights, I pulled over. It was a town marshall who wanted to point out that I had a rear tail light out. No ticket. I assured him I would get it fixed — and we were on our way.
A few minutes later the same thing happened. U-turn, flashing lights, and a pullover. This time it was a city policeman (I don’t remember the city). Same conversation. Same assurance and we were off again.
Within thirty minutes from the first stop — it happens again. This time it is a Texas Ranger. He asks me to step out of the van and takes me to the back to show me the light out. This time I asked where I could get a light bulb this time of night. He said there was a truck stop a few miles ahead. I assured him we would stop. No ticket.
At the truck stop, we purchased the bulb and a screwdriver and made the repair. As we pulled out of the truck stop, the Texas Ranger was parked across the street. He did not pull me over again.
I did buy a “DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS” t-shirt at the truck stop.
A CDL helped….for a while, it seemed
For a few years at QDP Corporation, we had a large enough delivery truck that a driver had to have a “CDL” (Commercial Driver’s License). It required renewal more often than a regular license, but during the years I had one, I did not get a ticket when driving my car, even though I was pulled over multiple times.
It seemed like such a reasonable amount to pay for “ticket insurance” that I kept it going even after we sold that truck and I no longer needed it. But my luck finally ran out…and then it was worse.
I was required to go to a driver training session. It was run by a State Trooper and nearly all of the participants were truck drivers, complete with beards, bellies (I have that one covered) and a temperament that looked like they were ready to throw their chair at the Trooper.
After that, I allowed my CDL to expire and went back to a regular Driver’s License.
I’ve had a few speeding tickets over the years, but most of my violations are for not slowing fast enough coming into a town. I would turn off the cruise when the speed limit dropped, but would not always touch the brake and, therefore, if it dropped too quickly from 55 to 45 to 35….I would still be going too fast.
I do better now and haven’t had a ticket for several years.
Note: the remaining stories happened while I was teaching in Huntington
Nearly fired on the first day on the job?
My sons were in the bands between 1995-2001. During a Band Parent meeting, I let the director, Thaine Campbell, know that I had been a band director, was a clarinetist, and would be happy to help any way I could.
He started using me as a clarinet and woodwind sectional person during band camp. After my sons graduated, he added me to the “paid” staff for camp.
I was hired in the summer of 2005 as the part-time Asst Director. My first day on the clock was the first day of band camp. I was continuing to run sectionals, and on the first day of camp, the clarinets were with me in one of the special ed rooms.
A tradition that we had (which I had started earlier as a band parent volunteer worker) was to “nickel” the clarinets of the rookies.
NOTE: A nickel fits perfectly inside the barrel of a clarinet. It completely blocks the airflow and it is impossible to play. The ‘joke’ would happen when I would ask the group to play. Most of the rookies would react immediately and quickly figure it out. But others would fake playing, which we all knew they could not.
I asked the rookies to set their instruments in their chair and to go out into the hallway with the section leader for a few minutes. The section leader (usually a senior) was to tell them about expectations for camp, learning music, etc.
While the nickels were being inserted, the classroom door starts to open. Not wanting the rookies to re-enter too soon, one of the seniors ran over and slammed the door shut. When we finished, we opened the door for the students to return.
A minute or so after that, the principal, the resource officer (or someone in uniform), and a teacher were coming into the room with walkie-talkies raised, ready to call for backup. The teacher for that room had come into the school and was opening the door to her classroom when it was “slammed in my face”. Yes, it was.
The seniors took over and explained that it was a long-standing tradition and they misunderstood the door opening. Yes, they were protecting me. They could have said it was a tradition I started and a prank I was overseeing.
I bet that was a story often told during the rest of that band camp day. It certainly became one of my favorite “Storytime” stories.
Caught with a drum
The community chorus has been performing Handel’s “Messiah” every December for decades. Over the years, they have borrowed risers, music stands and lights, and timpani from the high school to supplement what they are able to get from the university.
I got a call requesting the use of just one of our timpani. I took my minivan over to the high school, backed it up close to the service doors, opened the back, and went inside to the band room. As I was rolling the timpani down the hallway toward the service area, I noticed a policeman standing just outside Door 34.
I went over and opened the door for him and immediately had to answer the question, “Who are you and what are you doing?”
All was well.
He explained that it looked suspicious to see a vehicle backed up to the large service doors with the back opened.
Surrounded in the parking lot
My report time for school has usually been after 5A lunch (about 12:15pm). Sometimes I stop on the way and pick up something for lunch. And since this was a marching band rehearsal day, I was parking in the west lot (tennis court side). From where I was sitting, I could see students in the cafeteria. It would be a great observation spot for someone with ill intent during student lunch.
It wasn’t unusual to see a police car come around from the front of the building. They do periodically patrol the parking lots, especially when they are looking for a particular car or checking parking stickers.
But then, I noticed this police car had stopped almost touching my rear bumper. About the time I saw the officer getting out of the car, another car pulls up and pins me in from the front. And then a third car.
I showed my school ID, explained my start time to work and they seemed satisfied and left. Apparently someone had called 9-1-1- from the area of the parking lot. Ok. Yes. I would want them to check that out.
It made a great “Storytime With Mr. G. story in band rehearsal.
Police and Bubble People
Over the years I have been pranked several times. Even though I have no trees, I’ve been Tee-peed multiple times (students were careful to lay the paper in ways that it was easy to clean up). They have chalk arted my sidewalks and driveway, window painted both house and van windows. They filled my car with balloons. At school I was even plummed (several hats with plumes on my desk).
The most organized and persistent group was “The Bubble People”. They army manned the porch and yard with those tiny green toy army men and vehicles, saran wrapped the front and back doors to the house, and would leave “notes” on my home or on my desk at school. I really struggled with finding out who they were. No one would “rat” them out. I don’t remember how I got the first couple names, but over time, was confident that I had discovered the group. Flute players. Of course.
I contacted a police officer I knew and asked for help getting even. He brought a friend, and so, during a rehearsal one day, a pair of police officers came into the room. I read a list of names and asked those students to step into my office. I went in with the police officers and we closed the door.
(I’ve wondered what the rest of the band students were discussing during this time. They were very quiet — probably trying to listen).
One of the officers started reading off “charges”…..
“You are in violation of statute 1234.B and statute abcd.x.”
The girls were getting anxious. When one of the officers unhooked his handcuffs, one of the girls broke down and the officer confessed, “Sorry, Mr. Gardner. I cannot continue…..”
I think my only response to the group was, “GOTCHA”. And they went back to class. I told the group:
“I just want you to know that I can take a joke.
As long as you are not disrespectful, and no property or individual is hurt,
I can take it. But know this. I also try to get even. And you have now witnessed an example.”
According to the 4-digit serial number, my Selmer/Paris Series 10 clarinet was manufactured in 1967. In 1968, my hs band director told my mother I had to get one. Not optional. He might as well have told her I needed a Mercedes for my first car. Dad made me a 50/50 deal, and after selling lemonade to golfers and hanging ad papers on doors … I got it.
Anyway, I just opened packages of cleaning supplies, including swabs, key and bore oil, silver polish, swabs, disinfectant and more….. I want to see if it still has all the notes and speed it once did. Students have heard me talk about instruments with “speed buttons”.
The new Science Building (which also housed the gymnasium and the band room) had been opened only a couple years earlier. It had a new type of light switch throughout — that required a key, but would also work with a properly inserted fingernail file. 
