Today is the 45th Anniversary for wife Joan and me. Tomorrow is Father’s Day, which was mentioned in today’s podcast from Morning Wire. They mentioned the difficulty of those growing up without a father in the house, especially when it comes to later maintaining a marriage and family. I come from a broken home. So does Joan. We talked about that during college as we had heard the statistics of what sounded like our marriage would be doomed. And yet, here we are. I attribute our 45yr marriage success to three main things.
We were committed Christians and stayed active in the church, raising our family in the church.
Because we both experienced parents divorcing and the devastating effects that has on the children, we were committed to never letting that happen to our children. We were both at nearly every swim meet, baseball game, theater performance and concerts. There were a few times where we had to split because both boys would have something going on at the same time and sometimes in different cities. But we never just sent them off. We were there.
That we spent so much time working together in small office environments, the types of temptations that seem to creep into a lot of marriages were never present in ours. Neither of us ever considered anyone else. In our first three years of marriage, we taught at the same school and shared an office. Later, after John left education, we shared a business office for over two decades at QDP Corporation.
And we never let anyone tell us how to raise our children. We left education to start our family. Joan wanted to be a stay at home mom. My freedom of schedule allowed me to be at almost every t-ball, baseball, swim meet, and concert that either of our sons was in. I’ll never say we did everything right, but our sons are both successful in what they are doing. They have always, as have we, self-sufficient.
Are we experts? No. But ours has been a successful family for 45 years.
UPDATE: Be sure to read the parent comments at the end of this article.
Over a decade after high school graduation, he told his parents he was bullied as a high school freshman, not telling them at the time because he feared they’d make a big deal of it.
He DID go to a teacher who ignored or brushed aside his emotional plea. In his valedictorian speech at graduation three years later, when he listed the “Top 10 Things I Learned in High School”, one of them was…..
“….that my head really does fit in a gym locker.”
Still no response. This was before all the more recent publicity of the terribly negative lifetime impact that bullying can have….but
…there is no excuse for inaction. EVER!
Fortunately, this story doesn’t end tragically…. but that doesn’t make it right.
My wife posted on her social media this story about young guys with goals, initiative, and work ethic. People were amazed. Impressed, yes….but wasn’t there a time when this was more the norm?
A couple of young boys (pre-teen, perhaps early teen) asked me for a drink of water yesterday. They had been raking the next door neighbor’s yard and saw me out working in mine. They then asked if I had any work they could do. They were trying to raise money to buy their mother a birthday present. I had been planning on expanding my canna bed this year, so I put them to work. The orange handle shows where the edge of the bed had been. I still have some cleaning out to do, but you can see they did a nice job of getting the edge even, and they shook the dirt out of the pieces they dug up and placed the grass clods in lawn bags for me. I was very impressed by their work ethic and their willingness to work for something they wanted. They had a goal in mind and intended to work until they reached it.
I was coming down the one-way street where we live. There is parking on both sides, but that doesn’t leave much room. Years ago, when I had a conversion van, I managed to take off someone’s mirror with mine. (Yes, I dealt with it.)
On this particular trip, in addition to normal cars parked, I encountered a lawn service truck, an Amazon van, a City Truck and one collecting trash…and I barely made it through with my car. I commented in a post that a fire truck wouldn’t make it and was reminded of a couple of Dad’s firetruck stories and events, one courtesy of my sister.
What happens when you block a fire truck?
Backdraft, a realistic presentation of real fire fighting
The movie, ‘Backdraft’ fascinated me. Dad was a 32-yr veteran firefighter in a full-time city department that had about ten “houses” around town. He was one of three “Chiefs”. He said “Backdraft” was pretty accurately done. I asked about the scene where there is a car parked in front of the hydrant and they break the windows and take the hose through the car.
“We would probably just use the truck to push the car out of the way. The car would be a wreck, but don’t put your car between my truck and our getting to a fire.”
Dad’s “Company 1” Fire House, @ 1975Problematic long driveway at Holmes High School.Entrance gate to Holmes High School. What you can’t see are the iron-works gates that matched the fencing to the right.
What happened when they blocked my Dad’s fire trucks?
Close to that in real life that involved Dad and his trucks happened at my high school around 1980 when my sister was a sophomore. There is a long driveway through the school and at times they would have problems with people speeding through there during school. On one particular day, someone chained shut the large ironworks gate. They weren’t supposed to do that, I’m sure, but those drivers and that long driveway could be disturbing and a safety concern.
There was a fire alarm and Dad was on duty.
When the trucks arrived at the school, they encountered the locked main gate. Guess what they did?
Dad never talked about that story, but sister tells me she remembers faculty talking about the Fire Department “busting the gates down”.
Another news story of a teacher caught up in a sexual situation with students. Sad and disturbing on multiple levels because at least two lives are damaged — forever changed. Students become hesitant to open up to and trust teachers. Parents become understandably hyper-sensitive and maybe over-protective.
Most teachers work so hard to build proper, trust-based relationships with students.
My intent was never to make students obey commands because I was the authority in the classroom. I wanted them to listen and want to follow my guidance because they TRUSTed that what I am saying was best for the ensemble collectively and for him/her individually. I didn’t want to be their ‘best bud’. I wanted to be a life-mentor, someone they will look back at 20 years from now with favorable memories of someone who helped them get through some of their high school hurdles.
Of course, there are several reasons for a student to hesitate to trust: 1) parents have broken trust between themselves and with their children — so the teen, wanting protection from future pain, erects a shield to keep people out, 2) friends break trust — so hurt teens conclude trust is risky and 3) teachers like the one in the news.
So who am I to expect students to trust ME? I get it. It makes me sad sometimes — when I sense that a student really needs to talk through something but is afraid to lower that shield. Or when I see one heading in a potentially negative life-impacting (but not physically dangerous) direction and regrettably conclude that, because it is none of my ‘business’, i.e. outside my teaching subject, that I need to stay in my space and not try to cross over into his/hers. I do understand.
As I started writing, I realized I’ve said variations of all this before. I used the search function on my blog, entered “trust” and found the following: …
Font created by Richard TruebloodL/R Joan Gardner, Richard Trueblood, Bonnie Trueblood, John GardnerRichard Trueblood and John Gardner at an Eastern HS Band reunion
Richard Trueblood grew up in Salem and taught Art and Theater at Salem High School. When I got the job at Eastern High School in 1976, in asking around for recommendations for a Color Guard instructor, someone gave me his name. It may have even been the outgoing director, Phil McGlothlin. I contacted Richard and we hit it off right away. I gave him a completely free hand at Eastern.
During our time at Eastern, he was single. After we left, there was a director change at Salem and he and Bonnie Harmon made a great pair.
They married in 2021. Well into retirement, he ran for and was elected to the Salem School Board. And in 2021, the Salem School Board (he was a member) decided to name the high school’s Performing Arts Center after him.
At Eastern, our guard grew to 18 flags and 6 rifles and received several guard trophies. He went with us to Camp Crescendo every year. I credit Richard, his artistic creativity, and his encouraging friendship with a major part of the success I enjoyed with Eastern’s Marching Band.
Richard Trueblood left this world on April 8, 2022.
It is Sunday 1 of a pastorless Sunday at my church. The prior Sunday was the last one for a pastor and his wife who moved back to their home state of Alabama to minister in a larger church. In the meantime, my church will use deacons and others to fill the pulpit.
Following is a near transcription of the first six-minute introduction. In the process of asking, “What will it be like for the new guy?”, I share my experience being the new guy in my first teaching experience.
It’s June, 1976, and I’m the new band director standing in front of my high school band for the first time getting ready for the big annual 4th of July parade in the thriving metropolis of Pekin, Indiana. Population 1000.
It didn’t take long after I got there for me to discover that I was going to have a major problem. I took the band outside and began to line them up.
“I want the trumpets on the front row, shoulder to shoulder.”
A hand goes up.
“Mr. Gardner, Mr. [Name] always lined the trumpets up 4 steps behind the percussion.”
And so it went, section by section as I was placing them, with each one telling me what I was doing the same as or different from the guy who was there before.
Later in the summer, we go to band camp where we learn our marching band show and I hear,
“This is not the way we did it last year. This isn’t the way we’ve done this before. This is too different.”
We go on our first band trip and I hear from the parents,
“Last year, they were allowed to get out of their uniforms after their performance and you’re going to make them sit there, in uniform, and watch their competition?”
From my principal on my first teacher evaluation,
“The former guy had a tighter grip on discipline than you have.”
At the State competition, which was our next to last contest I heard this;
“Last year we got 7th in the state and this year we only got 8th. And last year we won 1st Place at a contest and this year the best we’ve done, so far, is 2nd.”
I was about ready to quit because it just never stopped. Over and over again I kept hearing about last year and last year’s guy and the way they had done it before…until we went to the last contest.
That first year, somehow we managed to squeak by and we got a 1st Place trophy. But it was not until that trophy that the attitude there began to change….to,
“Maybe, just maybe, you know a little bit about what you’re doing.”
I’m going to tell you something statistical, to make a point.
Joan and I were at that school, well, I was there four years, she was there three.
Our fourth year there, we had nearly 25% of the student body in the music program. That would be like a 500 member band at [Local School].
And that last year we won 27 First Place trophies [and caption awards].
But I was almost a total failure there because nobody would give me a chance. All I could do was be compared to what was there before.
And so, this morning when I ask the question, “What’s it going to be like for the new guy?”, I’m speaking to you as someone who has been the new guy.
Here we are on Sunday 1 of a pastorless condition.
Hopefully, it won’t be this way for too long, but the shortest time it can possibly be will be about a month to a month and a half – if we vote on “the new guy” next week.
It will be a difficult time for us. We feel a sense of personal loss. We became attached to [outgoing pastor and wife]. They became our friends…and they’re gone…and we’ll miss ‘em, and that hurts some.
Some people might feel a little bit of anger. “How could they possibly desert us?”
What will it be like with the new guy? Will he yell and scream from the pulpit? Will he talk football like Bro [name] did?
It will be a revealing time and we will find out who comes to this church because of the fellowship, who comes to this church for worship, and who comes to this church for the pastor.
What will it be like for the new guy? What kind of church will he find when he gets here?
….
I’m here this morning to take a look at two places in Scripture where there was a New Testament Church that lost a leader…..
As we consider these two churches through the writings of the Apostle Paul, who in both cases, was the leader who left, I want to ask you to consider some things……
[short list]
….and which one is closer to the way we are here at Huntington Baptist?
If you read this post and would like to hear their entire 20-minute sermon, it is a private video available upon request.
Also, I will be adding this story to the EHS setion of my “Stories Through My Ages” book.
