I complimented her smile and stepped into creepy

I complimented her smile and stepped into creepy and wokeness.

As a [former] teacher of teens, I understand the careful lines teachers (and students) should observe, especially in the area of commenting on how someone looks. When I was a new teacher and only 3-4 years older than some of the students in my classes, that was even more sensitive. Less so in my last 16yr stint prior to retirement. I have used, what I always intended to be harmless but effective compliments when I would talk about someone’s “smile”. There are many of my former students who could tell you I’ve complimented or commented in that way. No one, not a single student or any parent has ever, EVER said they felt something I had said to or about them or their student was inappropriate or unprofessional.

I did cause a mild murmur in a concert audience once when I said,

“Parents, I want you to know that I love, admire and respect your students.”

That came up in a subsequent admin evaluation, but nothing was written down and the only caution was to, “be careful”.

I have multiple writings about those topics. Here are two:

Is it ever okay for a teacher to LOVE students? 
10 ways to earn students’ respect and trust

…but that is not the focus of THIS post.

I was moved by the above video. Such a brave girl to escape under threat of death from North Korea. I was angered that there were some students who bullied her because of her speech difficulties (she came here knowing almost zero English). But then, also warmed and encouraged by the way she described most American friends have reacted to and accepted her.

I posted a comment:

Note that there were over 400 thumbs up and zero thumbs down. Also note the heart/love from the video create. So, SHE certainly understood my compliment and was not offended by it.

There were mainly two types of negative replies:

[Spouse] used to greet people with hello beautiful! at the [business]. Some ladies were so surprised and acted like no one had ever said that to them before and every lady should hear she’s beautiful! Let’s normalize being nice and paying compliments. Not creepy at all.

I say it’s a sad state of affairs when an innocent comment like that is considered offensive. I mean you didn’t ask her to friend request her!It’s not like you asked her out on a date or what her measurements are. Sometimes people need to chill and this is one of those times.

I’ve been in similar boats. I’ve learned to never comment on physical appearance unless asked or I have a close relationship with them. I instead comment on non physical things. Like personality or voice ot whatever. Creepy vs sweet is all about perception. It has nothing to do with intent. Some people read it as some “old” guy being creepy and some thought it was sweet. I think how we perceive that is often based on our own experiences. Because of that, I work harder to be aware of what people may find creepy and just avoid it. Especially in the current social climate.