Another news story of a teacher caught up in a sexual situation with students. Sad and disturbing on multiple levels because at least two lives are damaged — forever changed. Students become hesitant to open up to and trust teachers. Parents become understandably hyper-sensitive and maybe over-protective.
Most teachers work so hard to build proper, trust-based relationships with students.
My intent was never to make students obey commands because I was the authority in the classroom. I wanted them to listen and want to follow my guidance because they TRUSTed that what I am saying was best for the ensemble collectively and for him/her individually. I didn’t want to be their ‘best bud’. I wanted to be a life-mentor, someone they will look back at 20 years from now with favorable memories of someone who helped them get through some of their high school hurdles.
Of course, there are several reasons for a student to hesitate to trust: 1) parents have broken trust between themselves and with their children — so the teen, wanting protection from future pain, erects a shield to keep people out, 2) friends break trust — so hurt teens conclude trust is risky and 3) teachers like the one in the news.
So who am I to expect students to trust ME? I get it. It makes me sad sometimes — when I sense that a student really needs to talk through something but is afraid to lower that shield. Or when I see one heading in a potentially negative life-impacting (but not physically dangerous) direction and regrettably conclude that, because it is none of my ‘business’, i.e. outside my teaching subject, that I need to stay in my space and not try to cross over into his/hers. I do understand.
As I started writing, I realized I’ve said variations of all this before. I used the search function on my blog, entered “trust” and found the following: …
It is Sunday 1 of a pastorless Sunday at my church. The prior Sunday was the last one for a pastor and his wife who moved back to their home state of Alabama to minister in a larger church. In the meantime, my church will use deacons and others to fill the pulpit.
Following is a near transcription of the first six-minute introduction. In the process of asking, “What will it be like for the new guy?”, I share my experience being the new guy in my first teaching experience.
It’s June, 1976, and I’m the new band director standing in front of my high school band for the first time getting ready for the big annual 4th of July parade in the thriving metropolis of Pekin, Indiana. Population 1000.
It didn’t take long after I got there for me to discover that I was going to have a major problem. I took the band outside and began to line them up.
“I want the trumpets on the front row, shoulder to shoulder.”
A hand goes up.
“Mr. Gardner, Mr. [Name] always lined the trumpets up 4 steps behind the percussion.”
And so it went, section by section as I was placing them, with each one telling me what I was doing the same as or different from the guy who was there before.
Later in the summer, we go to band camp where we learn our marching band show and I hear,
“This is not the way we did it last year. This isn’t the way we’ve done this before. This is too different.”
We go on our first band trip and I hear from the parents,
“Last year, they were allowed to get out of their uniforms after their performance and you’re going to make them sit there, in uniform, and watch their competition?”
From my principal on my first teacher evaluation,
“The former guy had a tighter grip on discipline than you have.”
At the State competition, which was our next to last contest I heard this;
“Last year we got 7th in the state and this year we only got 8th. And last year we won 1st Place at a contest and this year the best we’ve done, so far, is 2nd.”
I was about ready to quit because it just never stopped. Over and over again I kept hearing about last year and last year’s guy and the way they had done it before…until we went to the last contest.
That first year, somehow we managed to squeak by and we got a 1st Place trophy. But it was not until that trophy that the attitude there began to change….to,
“Maybe, just maybe, you know a little bit about what you’re doing.”
I’m going to tell you something statistical, to make a point.
Joan and I were at that school, well, I was there four years, she was there three.
Our fourth year there, we had nearly 25% of the student body in the music program. That would be like a 500 member band at [Local School].
And that last year we won 27 First Place trophies [and caption awards].
But I was almost a total failure there because nobody would give me a chance. All I could do was be compared to what was there before.
And so, this morning when I ask the question, “What’s it going to be like for the new guy?”, I’m speaking to you as someone who has been the new guy.
Here we are on Sunday 1 of a pastorless condition.
Hopefully, it won’t be this way for too long, but the shortest time it can possibly be will be about a month to a month and a half – if we vote on “the new guy” next week.
It will be a difficult time for us. We feel a sense of personal loss. We became attached to [outgoing pastor and wife]. They became our friends…and they’re gone…and we’ll miss ‘em, and that hurts some.
Some people might feel a little bit of anger. “How could they possibly desert us?”
What will it be like with the new guy? Will he yell and scream from the pulpit? Will he talk football like Bro [name] did?
It will be a revealing time and we will find out who comes to this church because of the fellowship, who comes to this church for worship, and who comes to this church for the pastor.
What will it be like for the new guy? What kind of church will he find when he gets here?
….
I’m here this morning to take a look at two places in Scripture where there was a New Testament Church that lost a leader…..
As we consider these two churches through the writings of the Apostle Paul, who in both cases, was the leader who left, I want to ask you to consider some things……
[short list]
….and which one is closer to the way we are here at Huntington Baptist?
If you read this post and would like to hear their entire 20-minute sermon, it is a private video available upon request.
Also, I will be adding this story to the EHS setion of my “Stories Through My Ages” book.
Another news story of a teacher caught up in a sexual situation with students. Sad and disturbing on multiple levels because at least two lives are damaged — forever changed. Students become hesitant to open up to and trust teachers. Parents become understandably hyper-sensitive and maybe over-protective.
