I thrive on their youthful enthusiasm
I was looking for this symbol when I found I had used it on a post from some years ago. Yes, it is not always the teacher who impacts a student.
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teens
10 Anti-Excellence HS Peer Pressure Standards
By John Gardner
When I asked my high school Valedictorian son why he had chosen a particular top-tier university and why he was tired of being the geek.
I’m tired of being the geek. I’m tired of ruining the curve. I’m tired of people getting mad at me because I do the extra credit anyway. I want to go somewhere I can be normal; where it is okay to be an achiever.
Pressure surrounds teens.
Parents push them to do better. Teachers need performance data in the ever-increasing “prove-you’re-teaching-and-they-are-learning” world of government schools. The strongest pressure, however, can come from peers.
In handing out a “pre-test”, a beginning of a semester assessment to find out where students are on a subject, a teacher was explaining to the class.
“This is NOT for a grade. This is to help me find out where to start. If you already know most of what is on this pre-test, I’ll be able to give you higher-level work.”
A student in the class spoke up,
“Fail it!”
The message was clear.
“If we look like we know stuff, they will give us more. If we all fail the pre-test, we’ll get easy stuff to do. LET’S GO!”
Here is some of the unwritten peer-pressure-code of many high schools:
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Go easy on the pre-test. Save your effort for the one that counts.
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Don’t ruin the curve.
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If you turn it in early, you make the rest of us look bad.
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If the instruction says 500 words, don’t do 501.
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Just do what you have to do to get the grade your parents won’t yell about.
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Don’t study at home, practice at home or do extra research at home because they’ll start expecting MORE.
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The teacher will adjust the level of work to the level of the class. We vote for easy. Don’t mess it up for us.
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Share your work with us…. we’ll change a few words and get away with it.
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Teachers are the enemy. Don’t be a “teacher’s favorite”. The only time you should be “friendly” to a teacher is when you need something – or when you’re asking for more time, etc.
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Snitches get stitches. C’mon! Who’s side are you ON?
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If they give us the entire class period to take a test – take the entire time. If we get done too early, they will start on something else.
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Tell your teachers what they want to hear, even if you have to make it up.
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Use up the entire limit: number of times you can be tardy, number of times you can be called out before discipline, number of assignments you can miss, number of low grades that will be dropped…..and then use your puppy dog eyes and maybe even a few tears to plead for mercy, forgiveness and another chance — after the limit is hit.
Below are a few of the pics/graphics I try to use to encourage a different path…..
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Band Freshman vs General Population Freshman
By John Gardner
8th-grade students going into a large high school should consider the advantages of being in (staying in) marching band vs entering as a General Population Freshman. If you’re already signed up, yay for YOU. If you were in 8th grade band, but have not signed up for high school marching band…..read on — and know that it is not too late to change your mind. And if you have never been in band….the good news is that you CAN be. Join the Color Guard — or ask for a spot in the front ensemble. We can teach you auxiliary percussion parts. Play piano. You’re hired!
The local high school has a population near 1500 with about 40 outside doors and multiple main north/south and east/west hallways. Lockers are somewhat segregated by class….so most freshmen lockers are far away from seniors’. It is a safe school with only rare hallway confrontations. Great students, BUT…. a freshman walking down the “senior” hallway might hear some comments.
What’s that freshman doing in our hallway? Did you see him trying to talk to a senior?
For the most part, seniors ignore freshmen and freshmen steer clear of seniors….
except for BAND freshmen!
…
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I WANT To Trust You
Update: This was originally posted a few years ago, prior to my 2020 retirement, and represents the qualities of trust that I shared with and expected from my students. I’d appreciate your feedback. Consider leaving a comment. Thank you. -John Gardner
“Honesty is the best policy. If I lose mine honesty, I lose myself.” –William Shakespear“Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.”–Janis Joplin
“Some things are black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. Honesty is one of those things. You have it or you don’t.
“I can trust you – or I can’t.” -G
On TV, honesty seems to be relative; use it when you can, abandon it when it helps the moment. That is a sad reality that we must avoid in band. Trust requires honesty. Without trust, everything you do or say must be doubted, questioned or verified.
Trust lost is hard to earn back.
In a conversation with band students, I asked for the most common answer from a teacher after a student request. “No.” I asked for the most common response from parents… “No.” Could it be that the tendency to say ‘No’ is at least partially driven by a low trust factor caused by a questionable honesty level? I say yes….in many cases.
So who goes first?
Dear students,
I WANT to trust you. I WANT to believe you. I WANT to say ‘Yes’. I WANT you to be truthful with me and I’m willing to take the first reasonable risk. The danger, for me then, is that some people are so accustomed to saying what is convenient at the moment (situational ethics?) that they do that with ME (automatically or intentionally – doesn’t matter) …..and I get burned, disappointed, even hurt.
Why do I take it so personally? I wish I didn’t, but I do.
I almost lost my job once, as a young District Sales Manager for a national fundraising company, when I went to bat for some reps only to discover they had been feeding me lies. My boss’ response to my frustration and question about how to know who to trust was, “Trust is a treasure that some people haven’t earned, don’t value or can’t handle. You have to learn WHO you can give HOW MUCH to.”
“Trust, but verify.” -Ronald Reagan
“You won’t get away with it.” -my pastor
My mama used to say…
“Burn me once, shame on YOU!
Burn me twice, shame on ME!”
A former student from my first teaching job posted on my facebook:
“I’m remembering a little white lie that Tina and I told you just to get out of class for a minute or two……..Unfortunately, you found out about it. I’ve never felt so guilty as when I was caught tricking YOU! You were the TEACHER to go to when things weren’t going ok. And a trusted teacher…….I was SO sorry!”
So this is not a new problem for me. It isn’t something that JUST happend. IT happens…. Sometimes you can get me …. yes you can. Some of you are very good at trying, because your moral compass is off….or broken. Sometimes, I DO give you the benefit of my doubt. Burn me once….
Here’s the bottom line, the brutal truth, the real consequence… and it is important that YOU KNOW IN ADVANCE.
If I give you MY TRUST and you respond with YOUR LIES …. it changes EVERYTHING, including my ability to trust and respect YOU….probably for longer than it should. I can still be your teacher. I can still treat you with professionalism and dignity. But, burn me twice….
So what? Maybe nothing…..because then I become like all the other adults in your life who will almost always say no and who will be compelled to question and verify everything you say….and the games go on.
That makes me sad.
With respect and trust,
-G
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Teens I Admire
By John Gardner
NOTE: I was teaching when I wrote this. I have since retired, so rather than go through and edit what I am doing with what I did do, I’ll just put this disclaimer out there so you know.
Adults who are afraid of teenagers or who feel like teens of today are nothing like those from their day (adults have been saying that forever, right?) ….. or who think the quality of teens is crumbling….. should come hang out with the teens I get to spend time with.
As a teacher, I can’t use the “love” word, must avoid the “creepy” label (they DO use that word too much), have to be careful how I compliment the way someone looks, and often settle for handshakes and high fives when a good pat on the back or a hug seems so much more appropriate for the circumstance …. but I thoroughly enjoy my time on the school clock. I LOVE the youthful enthusiasm. I ADMIRE their dreams, goals, and aspirations. And I RESPECT those who make the best of their circumstances as they strive for excellence. I am all about encouraging achievers because they allow me into their lives. I “love” this job AND these teens.
My response to the parent who asked recently, “How do you put up with a room FULL of teenagers?” is “I feel sorry for those who DON’T get to experience a room FULL of teenagers.”
Some of the “types” of teens I admire….
I admire teens who thrive because of their parents…
Band students have complicated schedules that can challenge parental patience. There is the expense of instruments and extras (reeds, valve oil, drum sticks) — not to mention private lessons, summer camps, etc. Vacations get adjusted and, especially until the teen can drive, there are countless trips to drop off and pick up.
Some parents sacrifice soooo much in time, energy and money so that their teen can focus on being a better student, athlete, musician, academic or whatever. But all of that is for naught if the teen doesn’t take advantage of it. I admire teens who appreciate what they have and commit themselves to “getting their parents’ money’s worth”.
I admire teens who thrive in spite of their parents.
I was outside Door 34 prior to a rehearsal when she jumped out of the car and ran up to me, crying and wiping tears from her eyes, “G… I’m sorry…..I’m so sorry.” As she ran off into the building I got the impact of her emotion when I saw the approaching papa angrily waving a copy of our schedule.
“How much of this is mandatory?”, he asked angrily
“All of it.”, I responded quietly.
He huffed and puffed and returned to his car. When I walked into the band office, the daughter was waiting for me, tears streaming….wanting to know that I was okay after an encounter with her father. She needed a hug, and I gave her one.
Additional random examples….
“We’re going to pull our son out of band…..his room is a mess.”
“I can’t come to band today. I’m grounded and part of my punishment is whatever consequence I get from you for not being here.”
” He really loves band…..which is why this has to be part of his punishment.”
“She can’t major in color guard in college….so there is no point in the expense for her to be in this activity.”
“My parents took my band card money and my paycheck money. What do I do?”
“Here’s my paycheck to pay you back for letting me go to Disney. I will be able to pay you back from my job over the next three months.” (And did.)
“I have to stop taking private lessons because my dad says if I have money to waste on music lessons that I can pay rent.”
“G, I just got kicked out of my house.”
“Why are you telling my kid (s)he needs extra money for music lessons? Aren’t you the teacher? Why don’t you do what you’re getting paid for?”
“Why should I buy another [instrument]? I bought the one they told me to buy when (s)he started.”
Some of the most determined to succeed band students have parents I never meet. I understand busy and I understand the struggles of single parenthood (there were five kids in my single parent home) and it can be hard….yes, it can be hard. But it is sad sometimes to watch students try not to show disappointment when the parent is not there…. just sayin’.
I admire students who, despite the potential negatives of their circumstances…..are determined to succeed…..
10 Ways for Adults to Make A Difference in Teen Lives
By John Gardner
Teen years can be trying times. Parents may be fighting, separating, dating and remarrying, which means the teen now has to not only deal with a break up of a foundation in his/her life, but often now has to live in multiple households. Some have to adjust to step-siblings, job losses, financial struggles and more.
Then, there are the complexities of school with seemingly unending pressures to perform, trying to get through the dating games, often without an anchor or example to follow. Influenced by increasingly negative social standards, or lack of standards….. teens can get caught in the rise and falling tides.
Most learn how to negotiate life’s trying currents, but can turn the wrong way, make a miscalculation or poor decision — and find themselves high and dry on the beach…..and they need help. Not every student needs, wants or will accept a teacher’s help. Sometimes the teacher’s effort is both unappreciated and unsuccessful.
But try we must…because we CAN make a difference “to THAT one“.
Ten ways to make a difference:
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Young guys with goals, initiative, and work ethic
My wife posted on her social media this story about young guys with goals, initiative, and work ethic. People were amazed. Impressed, yes….but wasn’t there a time when this was more the norm?
A couple of young boys (pre-teen, perhaps early teen) asked me for a drink of water yesterday. They had been raking the next door neighbor’s yard and saw me out working in mine. They then asked if I had any work they could do. They were trying to raise money to buy their mother a birthday present. I had been planning on expanding my canna bed this year, so I put them to work. The orange handle shows where the edge of the bed had been. I still have some cleaning out to do, but you can see they did a nice job of getting the edge even, and they shook the dirt out of the pieces they dug up and placed the grass clods in lawn bags for me. I was very impressed by their work ethic and their willingness to work for something they wanted. They had a goal in mind and intended to work until they reached it.
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Broken Trust and the Damage Bad Teachers Cause
By John Gardner
Another news story of a teacher caught up in a sexual situation with students. Sad and disturbing on multiple levels because at least two lives are damaged — forever changed. Students become hesitant to open up to and trust teachers. Parents become understandably hyper-sensitive and maybe over-protective.
Most teachers work so hard to build proper, trust-based relationships with students.
My intent was never to make students obey commands because I was the authority in the classroom. I wanted them to listen and want to follow my guidance because they TRUSTed that what I am saying was best for the ensemble collectively and for him/her individually. I didn’t want to be their ‘best bud’. I wanted to be a life-mentor, someone they will look back at 20 years from now with favorable memories of someone who helped them get through some of their high school hurdles.
Of course, there are several reasons for a student to hesitate to trust: 1) parents have broken trust between themselves and with their children — so the teen, wanting protection from future pain, erects a shield to keep people out, 2) friends break trust — so hurt teens conclude trust is risky and 3) teachers like the one in the news.
So who am I to expect students to trust ME? I get it. It makes me sad sometimes — when I sense that a student really needs to talk through something but is afraid to lower that shield. Or when I see one heading in a potentially negative life-impacting (but not physically dangerous) direction and regrettably conclude that, because it is none of my ‘business’, i.e. outside my teaching subject, that I need to stay in my space and not try to cross over into his/hers. I do understand.
As I started writing, I realized I’ve said variations of all this before. I used the search function on my blog, entered “trust” and found the following: …
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