Public Schools

You can’t say that

You can't say thatAccounts of recent separations of news personalities from their employers remind me of a time my boss told me,

“You can’t say that.”

Years ago, on a hot sunny mid-day, our high school was evacuated over a threat. One of my thoughts at the time was wondering what was going through the minds of those stopped in traffic as 1500+ students, teachers, and staff crossed the state highway en masse. After accounting for all the students who left class, we sat in the football stadium bleachers until the end of the school day when busses and parents picked up students from the stadium rather than the high school. The congestion and confusion on that side street was significant.

The afternoon was especially stressful to those who had to work through the safety protocols to ensure students left only with a legal guardian. How do you call the school when the school is evacuated? How and to whom are calls forwarded? And what about student records with parent/guardian names and information in an area without computers and connections? How do they sign out from a remote location? Parents were frustrated as everyone was trying to do the right thing in a setting we had never before experienced. I should note that the communication and information issues of that day were addressed.

My uncovered bald head was significantly sunburned in those nearly three hours. By the time I got home, my head hurt and I was angry, especially after learning all that was the result of one student’s prank. I made an ill-advised comment on personal social media that punishment should include affixing the offender to the schoolyard flag pole and allowing all who spent those 2-3 hours in the stadium sun file by to express thoughts of the experience.

I should not have said that and I deleted the post, but not before someone shared it with the building boss, who called me to his office the next day. With a copy of my post in his hand, he not-quite laughingly said that, although he might feel the same way, “you can’t say that”.

I wasn’t fired.

 

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When you hear that students today are behind

By John Gardner

I’m not going to defend some of today’s diluted, politically correct, expanded curricula when compared to what students learned decades (or centuries) ago. The Huffington Post published this 8th grade exam from 100 years ago and ask if you could pass it today.

I don’t ever recall, as a student, having to spend school time on bullying or suicide prevention, tolerance, drugs, sex, active-shooter and lock-down drills. I’ve participated in mandatory teacher training on bullying. We provide “digital citizenship” training worth several class periods for using those free iPads we gave them. Schools test to test that teachers’ tests are testing appropriate levels, that teachers are teaching and students are learning.
 
WHAT students must learn today is so much more complex than what students needed to know back in a previous century. Below is a good visual. It would have been much easier to learn to identify and differentiate the crayon colors available in the 1903 vs today, wouldn’t you agree?

Just sayin’.

Crayon Colors

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3 Types of Thriving Teens

By John Gardner

On three

1. Good Teens thrive BECAUSE of their parents

For one group, I give much credit to good parenting. These are the parents who are active and involved in their teen’s life. They’re on the PTO, in the band/choir/athletic booster groups, they come to watch practices, performances or games, they volunteer to help and they put up the money that most worth while ventures require. Some, are more behind the scenes supporting, enabling  and encouraging. Outside of school activities, the family is together a lot. Maybe there isn’t a lot of money for fancy vacations, but they find ways to do things together anyway. Single parents and those who have remarried can also do fantastic jobs. My heart goes out to those super parents who are experiencing what author James Dobson calls “the strong-willed child”.

Keep the faith and keep doing what you’re doing. The teen will figure it out eventually.

2. Good Teens thrive IN SPITE of their parents

A second group, and one that I especially admire, are those teens who turn out great “in spite of”  their parents. These are the teens who have every reason (mostly by example) to crash and burn, and yet, they determine NOT to follow the paths of their parents and instead, commit themselves to a better life.

I’m not faulting single, lower-income, laid off or otherwise challenged parents doing the best they can. My parents divorced when I (oldest of 5) was in 7th grade. My mother was a polio-survivor without a car. We didn’t have it easy but we had love and support — and we all survived.

I DO fault those who could but don’t share or support the child’s enthusiasm for a worthy activity.

Your child knows, is hurt, embarrassed and deflated by your lack of support.

A high school clarinet student once tell me,

“My dad has never heard me play.”

You will only have that child in your care for a short time.

I was outside our band entrance door greeting students arriving for rehearsal. The car stopped and both student and parent got out. The girl ran to me, in tears, frantically exclaiming, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” before running into the building. Behind her came the papa with the band schedule in hand. There was no warm, fuzzy response to my “Hi, how ya doin’?” Instead, he almost slapped me in the face with the schedule as he grunted, “How much of this schedule is mandatory?” After my response, “All of it.”, he mumbled something I wouldn’t print even if I heard it clearly. The daughter was waiting for me in the office, still crying, and apologizing for what she was sure I had endured. My respect and admiration for her attitude and work ethic skyrocketed after that.

A sophomore asked me for some personal clarinet coaching. Things were going great until she came in one day tearfully explaining she had to quit. She had gotten a job to pay for her lessons, because her parents would not, and when they learned how she was spending her earnings, they started charging her rent.

I continued her lessons anyway.

Another student came in from the parking lot to ask for some help with a flat tire. He called his mother while the other director and I taught him how to change a tire. To get to the spare, he had to unhook the huge woofer in the trunk. The mother and boyfriend arrived and, instead of thanking us for staying or trying to help, boyfriend starts screaming at the teen, “How dare you let somebody else touch my car. This isn’t over, kid.”

These are the students we find walking home after the concert, football game, or competition — because they know their parents will not come pick them up. Some get their own jobs to raise their own money to pay the participation fees, even earning money to go on trips.

3. Good Teens thrive because of who they are

Some teens naturally have what it takes for greatness. Natural greatness combined with good parenting is definitely a winning combination.

Thanks for reading.

John

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GT (Gifted and Talented): The System worked for us, but we had to work the system

For two years during elementary school, both our sons were part of a GT (Gifted and Talented) program called “Project Challenge”, where they allowed students to advance in several areas. When they got to middle school, the program stopped and that was a problem (for us). The two in this clip, David and Casey, were allowed to take an 8th-grade Algebra class during 7th-grade year — and were the top two students in the class.

When we approached the school to question their plans for math for the 8th-grade year, the teacher explained that repetition was good, i.e. they were going to allow them to RE-TAKE the class. 

Unacceptable….

“You don’t hold back students like these two. They are the top two students in your class. They do not need to repeat it.”

Joan and I met with the principal, who, at one point, angrily pounded his fist (literally) on the desk and barked,

“I am so sick of parents pushing their kids.”

“We’re not pushing him. We just want to make sure there are not walls blocking his path.”

We objected long and loud enough (plus Casey’s parents were a teacher and a principal) that they agreed to bus these two to the high school every day, where they took two math courses that year. (That is the case started a year ago, as mentioned in the clip.)

During Freshman year, David was coming home complaining about a Spanish class he was taking. He didn’t like the “stupid” techniques they were using to learn vocabulary. At a parent-teacher conference, the teacher said he was causing disturbances in class with his lack of participation. We asked the teacher if he was bored in class.

“Absolutely he is bored.”

The teacher worked with us and school administrators to transfer David from Spanish I to Spanish IV. It took him a short while to catch up, but he loved it and soared.

By Sophomore year they were taking calculus and were invited to come to senior awards night to receive the high school’s top math recognitions. 

Out of high school math options, and before it was more readily available, David was allowed to go to the local university for an advanced math class junior year. When the professor objected, the high school teachers said,

“Just let him take the class. He’ll be fine”.

When the college students, thinking he looked too young to be there, asked him what year he was in, David’s response was “Junior year”. 

A few weeks into the college class, the professor accused David of cheating. He wasn’t doing the work to show the answers he was coming up with. 

When confronted, David asked,

“Is the goal to do the work or to solve the problem?” 

Unconvinced that he could get the answers the way he was, he watched David solve some problems, concluding that …

“I don’t know how he is doing it, but he is doing it.”

By the end of the semester, the professor was inviting David to take an even higher-level college class. 

The week prior to a big performance, the show choir toured the middle schools. Students were expected to make up their work. There was a grading period ending and one of David’s teachers asked him to make sure he got a particular assignment completed, recognizing that,

“You and I both know that if there is a negative impact to your grade that your parents will be in here.”

The only teacher or administrator that we confronted angrily was that fist-banging middle school principal. We were persistent, however, especially when we felt one of our sons was being held back or prevented from excelling because of convenience or policy.


Something I’ve said multiple times over the years, usually when encouraging parents to advocate louder,

“The system worked for us — but we had to work the system.”

PS After graduating high school with a perfect GPA, and in the top 1% at Duke, David went to Ivy-League Penn for his Ph.D. and is currently a teacher and dean at one of, if not the highest-rated boarding school in the country. His brother is the Worship Pastor at a large church in Washington State. 

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When the teacher hears this “L” word from the parent.

liarIn a previous century, pre-cell-phone, almost pre-historic era, I had a memorable exchange when a pastor parent called me a liar when I told him what his daughter had done.

How do you think I should have responded?

================

As I walked into the small high school office, two band students had their backs to me as they used the counter phone. I entered just in time to hear one of the girls explaining that she was going to get home late because

Mr. Gardner called a mandatory rehearsal.

The caller’s friend, who may have already made her call home, saw me first, displaying a shocked face as I approached and asked for the phone. In front of the two band parent secretaries who also heard the student, I simply shared with the parent….

Hello, this is Mr. Gardner and there is no after school band practice today.

I handed the phone back to the girl and went on about my business in the office, not listening to the rest of that conversation.

A few minutes later, in the hallway, with no witnesses, of course,….this normally smiley, friendly, terrific student and valued bandster unloaded some vocabulary on me to express her displeasure. I might have brushed off a temporary anger burst, but I couldn’t ignore what she said — and I knew her father would agree. So I went back to the office to use the phone. Keep in mind that I had just caught the daughter in a lie.

Pastor A____, this is Mr. Gardner again. I just want you to know that your daughter just used some bad language with me that is both unacceptable and disrespectful. Because this is the first time I’ve had any trouble with her, I’m not going to write-up anything through the school, but will be giving her some temporary extra band responsibilities as discipline for her behavior.

(Details shared.)

Pastor: My daughter doesn’t curse.

Sir, I’m not giving you second-hand gossip. I’m not telling you what I heard or what someone else told me. I’m giving you a first hand report about a face to face conversation to let you know that I will require your daughter to spend some extra time working in the band room as discipline for her behavior, and wanted you to hear it from me.

Pastor: You’re lying. My daughter wouldn’t say those things and you’d better not discipline her.

The daughter later apologized, completed her mandatory volunteer work around the band room, and hopefully learned and grew from the experience.

But I never visited her father’s church.

 

VMO Business Card

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10 Ways for Adults to Make A Difference in Teen Lives

By John Gardner

Large group of smiling friends staying together and looking at camera isolated on blue backgroundTeen years can be trying times.  Parents may be fighting, separating, dating and remarrying, which means the teen now has to not only deal with a break up of a foundation in his/her life, but often now has to live in multiple households. Some have to adjust to step-siblings, job losses, financial struggles and more.

Then, there are the complexities of school with seemingly unending pressures to perform, trying to get through the dating games, often without an anchor or example to follow. Influenced by increasingly negative social standards, or lack of standards….. teens can get caught in the rise and falling tides.

Most learn how to negotiate life’s trying currents, but can turn the wrong way, make a miscalculation or poor decision — and find themselves high and dry on the beach…..and they need help. Not every student needs, wants or will accept a teacher’s help. Sometimes the teacher’s effort is both unappreciated and unsuccessful.

But try we must…because we CAN make a difference “to THAT one“.

Teens will listen if they respect and trust. Trust is one of the most valuable mentoring requirements.
Teens will listen if they respect and trust. Trust is one of the most valuable mentoring requirements.

Ten ways to make a difference:

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Matching Outfits

Matching Outfits Read More »