By John Gardner
Another news story of a teacher caught up in a sexual situation with students. Sad and disturbing on multiple levels because at least two lives are damaged — forever changed. Students become hesitant to open up to and trust teachers. Parents become understandably hyper-sensitive and maybe over-protective.
Most teachers work so hard to build proper, trust-based relationships with students.
My intent was never to make students obey commands because I was the authority in the classroom. I wanted them to listen and want to follow my guidance because they TRUSTed that what I am saying was best for the ensemble collectively and for him/her individually. I didn’t want to be their ‘best bud’. I wanted to be a life-mentor, someone they will look back at 20 years from now with favorable memories of someone who helped them get through some of their high school hurdles.
Of course, there are several reasons for a student to hesitate to trust: 1) parents have broken trust between themselves and with their children — so the teen, wanting protection from future pain, erects a shield to keep people out, 2) friends break trust — so hurt teens conclude trust is risky and 3) teachers like the one in the news.
So who am I to expect students to trust ME? I get it. It makes me sad sometimes — when I sense that a student really needs to talk through something but is afraid to lower that shield. Or when I see one heading in a potentially negative life-impacting (but not physically dangerous) direction and regrettably conclude that, because it is none of my ‘business’, i.e. outside my teaching subject, that I need to stay in my space and not try to cross over into his/hers. I do understand.
As I started writing, I realized I’ve said variations of all this before. I used the search function on my blog, entered “trust” and found the following:
10 ways to earn student respect and trust
Is it ever ok for a teacher to love students
Safety, Transparency and Reputation when coaching students
Do you need to Love a Student to Teach A Student?
